Every Step I Take

I place too much emphasis on every decision. Every decision will determine my future. I never had a direct career goal. I never said "When I grow up I will be a teacher, doctor, lawyer, etc.", but yet I feel like I had a direct purpose that I was not cognizant to yet.

Now that I am applying for jobs as a post- Master's degree holder, I find myself drawn to professions in higher education. Is this because decisions I have made along my path have forced me down this path? Or is this truly  a life calling that I should venture forth with? Or could I find a career in higher education and move on if it is no longer satisfying? Why does every decision I make have to be THE decision!?

Jobs available in higher education are right up my alley. I read the description and I jump for joy saying "YES! This is a job that  I will excel at!" I read job descriptions from private sector and I occasionally scoff my nose and question what their social purpose truly is. Jobs in government positions are interesting, but when I find the one qualification that I don't have, I immediately steer away and jump back into my comfort zone of higher education. But if I had interned with a for-profit organization or learned finance skills in a public organization, maybe I would be fearful of the higher ed jobs. Run away! You don't have those skills! So maybe, every decision I make does have lasting impact.

Flying High

I am so lucky to work under a supervisor that provides me with maximum amount of autonomy. Some people may need the structure, oversight, and direction from a boss, but I enjoy taking initiative for what needs to get done and determining how it will get done. 

Learning by example, I hope that the team I manage feel that I am offering a good amount of autonomy without leaving them alone to fail. There is such a high risk and to allow individuals to succeed on their own because a. they may fail or b. they feel alone and unsupported. It is important that I read my team members and know when they need specific direction or when they need to fly solo. The tutoring program is structured so smoothly, that I have found that the staff can not only fly solo they can soar high in the air. I know that some of them are fearful of heights and are constantly looking to me for approval. So usually when I come to check in on the operations, I find myself contributing as a subordinate and enjoying filling in where I am needed. They know that I can step in as boss any time and determine how the show will be ran, but I have never felt the need to so. I enjoy watching them soar!

So much to disagree on

One of my favorite parts of my job is teaching college aged students. I get a thrill standing in front of the class, conducting lectures, leading discussions, encouraging critical thinking. Just as I enjoy talking about issues with my friends, I enjoy researching a topic, providing opposite arguments and seeing what students have to say. I am a strong public speaker that can command a room and I must admit that all-eyes-on-me is attention that I thrive in.

I especially like leading discussions on controversial issues because I am curious what people have to say. When students respond with attitudes that are conflicting with mine, I enjoy carefully chosing my words to show that I understand their point and suggest considering the motives of why others may think differently. When people propose a situation that I do agree with, it's fun to play devil's advocate and see what the response is.

Healthcare, immigration, economics, education, discriminination, poverty, public officials, public policy. There is so much to disagree on! And although these issues do tear people apart, teaching lectures at ASU has encouraged my deliberation skills (not disagreeing skills), and thus brings me closer to others.

Blown Away

I am always blown away by the complete disrespect people can show towards their jobs. I have lived my life respectfully and cautiously doing my best to appease my roles and responsibilities, while others have a flagrant disregard for their expectations.

The team I manage are absolutely the most wonderful, organized and enthusiastic young women and men. They care about their jobs and strive to perform their best by providing new innovation into the expected duties. They each supervise a team of about 5-10 ASU tutors that provide the one-on-one tutoring for the children we serve. It always amazing the complete disrespect that my supervisory team occasionally receives from the tutors.

It is because the managing staff are viewed as as peers and not supervisors that have put in their time and earned their position. I wish each tutor could see how much work and dedication each supervisor puts in to this job. They work long hours knowing that overtime is not in their job description. They revamp the entire community center with colorful, artistic, and functional systems of education. They meet me at 8am or 7pm to discuss pressing issues. They trouble shoot when kids don't show up to tutoring or when the bus breaks down. And they put up with disrespect from tutors who do not honor their work hours, don't fulfill their planning duties, and ultimately let down a kid.

If anybody is looking to hire some young students, I have quite a good word to put in for my supervisory staff.

Thick Skin

I am a mandated reporter.  This means that at any time I suspect abuse, I must report it to Child Protective Services. I would rather report and be wrong, then to not report at all. Lately, I have had so many incidences of children being removed from their homes, and my thin skin can't handle it.

Due to confidentiality agreements, I will not go into details of the reported abuse. But one report really struck me. I am filling in the gaps of incidents that I don't know and therefor I am making some risky assumptions, but I believe that a first grader is no longer in custody of his mother because she can't afford him. I know that for a while they were homeless. The mother even cried with me (yes with me because I am a softy and dropped a tear with her) that she is so thankful that he has somewhere safe to be everyday after school. As much as this melts my heart, I am now devastated that she has lost her son temporarily.

I have parents come to me often with such devastating stories (father's in jail, mom just died, children living with distant uncle because mom was deported, kids are hungry). Sometimes its more than I can take.

Sometimes I want to write checks that I can't afford to families. But I don't. I recognize that an act of charity such as a hundred dollars may allow a family to eat for a week but providing their kids a safe place to be and promoting education will get them farther with that 100 dollars.

But wait! I don't want to sound like some white savior exerting my scholarly voyeurism amongst the poor people.  I have many children in the program who are excelling in school and wanting to be challenged. I have parents that are finishing up their nursing degree at ASU and love that there children have other college educated role models. I have single moms who tell me that with the money she saves from our free program allows her to enlist her kids into weekend soccer camps.

I need to develop thicker skin. I will be cognizant to troubledsome families and be alert to opportunities for these families. But for my own sanity, I need to recognize the good work that is being done.

Interests, Skills, and Values Free Write.

I met with a career advisor on Monday and she gave me quite a bit of homework. One of her assignments was to free write what my interests, skills, and values are when it comes to a future career. This assignment is meant to serve as a brainstorming organizer that will allow me to better interpret why a future job would be a good fit for me. Below is what I developed. 

Interests

I am interested in community outreach whether that be in the social, public or private sector. I want to work with people daily and connect with colleagues and clients on a human level all promoting the same cause. I am interested in community building while team building within an organization. I recognize that these are vague interests but I am not interested in pin pointing what I want and being disappointed if I weren’t to find it.  

Skills

I am a good manager and I enjoy managing. Right now I manage a 3 teams of midlevel managers who oversee 80 people. I provide leadership and direction while earning respect through competency. On the daily I motivate, collaborate, delegate, trouble shoot, discipline, and appreciate those that I manage. Not only can I manage people but I can manage organizations, community partners, operations, etc. I communicate well interpersonally and build rapport with those who I depend on and those who depend on me. I have command of the written language and can be informative and diplomatic in newsletters and emails. I am analytical when problems arise because problems needs solutions especially when hundreds of colleagues, community partners, children, children’s parents, and ASU students rely on such solutions.

Values

I value social impact. I want to know that I left a career full of meaningful work and a lending hand. I don’t intend to solve global issues such as poverty but I hope to alleviate local problems that may have a domino effect. I value growth within myself and an organization and I hope to find an organization that provides room for me to develop. I value activity. I like to keep busy and stay active whether in my job or my personal life.